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How to Be Interesting As Hell On Paper
Agency. It was one of the first things my book editor said to me. “These parts need more agency.” And I obviously said: Like the CIA? And she said: Shoot me. And I said: Is that a CIA joke? So while...
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To the Woman With the Fake Smile: Stop It, You Fucking Pigeon
Can we all just stop, already? Stop apologizing. Stop saying sorry. Stop shrinking into some small little ball-less version of yourself—you know, so you don’t make all the other ball-less twats feel...
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There are two options: Make your own rules, or make your own grave.
Google can’t save you. Here is a short but compelling list of things Google is good for: Figuring out how the hell to poach a wet, floppy fish Ordering purple pimp costumes to wear to dinner at your...
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You cannot be a sane person all the time. But you *do* get to choose where...
You know what’s a real mind fuck? The whole “getting taken seriously” thing. Let’s be honest: How much do you just wish you could just hammer down some Doritos and blog about your mother-in-law? Or...
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If you’re terrified you’ll be judged online, then you need to slow down, have...
Ohhhhh, fucking shit. Those are kind of the words I want to say all the time, except if I did say them all the time, I’m pretty sure I’d start to get sick of them, like one does after eating tuna...
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Women Don’t Learn How to Be Strong & Confident & Brave in Home-Fucking-Ec.
Once upon a time, I took Home Ec in high school, which is hilarious, because based on tweets like these, I must have failed: I tweeted that out a couple of days ago after Googling “How to trick your...
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If You’re Nervous About Pulling the Trigger, Clap Your Handsssss!
There seems to be this idea that you should be ready for stuff before you do it. You should do your research. Come fully prepared. Think ahead. Not get taken by surprise. While that might be practical...
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$199 vs $200: The difference of a dollar is never just the difference of a...
I was recently told a story about a man named Uncle Bill who went to Colombia, stayed in a hostel, and climbed the ladder into his bunk—even after the four bottles of wine. Uncle Bill wasn’t your...
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“Never Lose Your Sunny Disposition. It’ll Be the Most Important Asset You’ll...
Her name began with an H. I brought the card down to the hotel lobby with a little swing in my pulse—not because I was nervous to give it to her, although in retrospect, maybe I was. I didn’t want it...
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The DIRTY 30 COMMANDMENTS of Working for Yourself: How to Slay Like an...
When negotiating, put on your big girl pants and start with your BIG ask. What’s the most important thing you *really* want out of this? People usually start with their little asks, and then build up...
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Wanna Be Successful Online? Stop Bullshitting. Tell Your TRUTH.
Jesus, do you feel that? *Not a direct quote from Donald Trump I was scrolling through my Twitter feed, as one does on a Thursday night when they’ve just made themselves a pot of coffee in a feeble...
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Your Opinion About Yourself Doesn’t Matter
Real talk: I think you’re a liar. A very, very convenient liar. I can call you that because we’re all in the same club. Because the thing is, when you’re out there doing creative work, and new work,...
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Self-Hatred, Low Self-Esteem & Firing Those Lying Pricks From Your Payroll
Alright, real talk: It’s 4:27am and there should be laws against writing at these hours. Is this what drunk driving feels like? Because I’m pretty sure my eyes are doing cartwheels and my brain is...
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HOLY BUTTERNUTS I MADE A VIDEO. (P.S. IT’S OUTRAGEOUS. WITH CAPS. ALL OF THEM. )
Hold all the pumpkin rolls: I’VE DONE IT, YOU GUYS. I’VE FINALLY DONE VIDEO. I’m pretty sure that giving me a camera was a very bad idea. Or a very good idea—I can’t tell yet. But I can tell you this—I...
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Unf*ckwithable BOSS | Now Open for Enrollment
*enthusiastic drum roll por favor* Just kidding. I’d actually like an electronic harp, please. (Obviously superior.) Ladies, gents, and pandas, it is my pleasure to announce that enrollment for the...
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Personal Sovereignty + Giving Yourself Options + Who Needs a Vodka?
So that happened this week. There’s a lot that could be said, and a lot I’ll refrain from saying, but I did want to send a courtesy note to say, first of all, that my new online business mentorship...
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So This One Time I Thought I Had Breast Cancer—And The Doctor Was a Huge D*ck
So today I placed my boobs into a giant, hospital-grade George Foreman grill and held my breath as the nurse took the X-ray. Let me tell you what, there is nothing quite like hoisting the flesh of your...
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Lack of Sleep Turning You Into a Pissed Off 2-Year Old? I HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS.
Get a load of this insider information: Did you know your brain actually needs SLEEP? I’m pretty sure that none of us are ACTUALLY SLEEPING, and you know who I blame this entirely on? Wine. Holy...
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When the Internet Becomes a Raging Psycho Serial Killer—And Everybody’s All,...
Oh 2017. It’s an odd-numbered year, which always makes me feel uneasy about things. I mean, what good could come of a year that ends in the number seventeen? The last time seventeen and I met, I was...
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Most of the People I Grew Up With Voted for Trump—AND I HAD NO IDEA HOW TO...
For many people the election was a shock—but for me, it was a betrayal. There were things I thought I knew. I thought I knew, for example, that the smartest kid in my high school class—the one with...
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