A person, going into business for themselves for the first time: How can I get found?
The Internet: Start a newsletter!
Person: What, like a weekly bulletin?
The Internet: No, like a newsletter.
Person: So, like, write a bunch of updates about me, me, and me?
The Internet: Yeah! A newsletter!
Person: Every week?
The Internet: Yeah! Content is king!
Person: And then ask customers to actually request to receive something I wrote all about me, me and me?
The Internet: Yeah! Opt-in!
Person: But will anybody care to read something all about me, me and me?
The Internet: Um…yeah, it’s a NEWSLETTER, DUH.
Person: But who even reads those?
The Internet: Everybody.
Person: You mean nobody?
The Internet: No, we mean everybody.
Person: Half the time I can’t even get my husband to listen to me—why will anybody else?!
The Internet: You have to create epic content!
Person: Epilepsy?
The Internet: EPICCCCCC CONTENNNNNTTTTTTTT!
Person: What does that even mean?
The Internet: You really need to invest in yourself.
Person: How do I do that?
The Internet: Sign up for an online class.
Person: How do I do that?
The Internet: Opt-in for somebody’s newsletter.
Person: What if I don’t want to opt-in for anybody’s newsletter?
The Internet: You probably don’t have the entrepreneur mindset.
Person: What’s the entrepreneur mindset?
The Internet: Do what everyone else is doing and then call yourself an entrepreneur.
Person: That explains a lot.
The Internet: It’s all about the mindset!
Person: I thought it was all about the newsletter?
The Internet: Yeah I’m a little confused myself; I’m waiting to see what everybody else decides and then I’ll let you know.
The post An Ode to the Internet’s Worst Business Advice appeared first on The Middle Finger Project.